My experience with Musical Tinnitus, shared by the HHF
In 2022 the Hearing Health Foundation shared my story living
with hyperacusis and tinnitus on its website. Here it is*:
“Notating Tinnitus
By Julio Flores-Alberca
I am a Peruvian musician. My main instrument is the guitar. I have studied jazz guitar for some years in Lima, Peru, and for some months also at Berklee College of Music in Boston in 1992. While I was in Boston I suffered an acoustic trauma at a friend’s home studio. I started suffering from hyperacusis, sensitivity to everyday sounds, and tinnitus, ringing in the ears. This prevented me from continuing my studies at Berklee, and I had to return to Peru.
Once home, my hyperacusis and tinnitus seemed to improve and were not a problem. I began to focus my interest on the traditional music of cultures from all around the world, especially Asia, Eastern Europe, and Africa. After some years of research, in 1996 I founded a band called Quarter Note, with the aim of promoting music from those regions. The band began its activities the next year.
In 1999 I began working as a professor at the Center of
Oriental Studies of the Pontificia Universidad Católica del Perú, and in 2001 I
also became a professor of electric guitar and composition there. I earned a
scholarship for an intensive Korean language and culture program in Seoul for
four months in 2004. All during this time my hyperacusis and tinnitus were both
minimal. I felt I had recovered.
Acoustic Trauma
But all of this stopped abruptly in 2006, due to another involuntary loud noise exposure at work. It made my hearing condition very severe. Life became a living hell. In November of that year I started a long confinement at home, unable to tolerate even my own voice, and perceiving tinnitus as several intense sounds.
As the days passed, confined to my home, I could start to hear what I was hearing as tinnitus begin to change and diversify. I was perceiving more and more sounds each day (see the list I kept). It was a terrifying experience, not only because of the sounds themselves but also because I didn't know where they came from, and if they were real or a product of my imagination.
I had many days of despair and had even suicidal thoughts. It was not until several weeks later, thanks to some articles l found and read, that l realized that all those sounds l was hearing were common in tinnitus and so l was not crazy.
One aspect that l finally understood was that subjective tinnitus could be the result of neuronal activity of the brain, which for some reason certain people are able to perceive it with greater intensity. Thus tinnitus for some people may be considered as physiological sound originating in our own brain. I know that this differs from tinnitus that seems to have its origin when the brain tries to make up for missing sounds due to hearing loss. My hearing at that time, after I did an audiogram test, was compared to that a 5 year old, according to the audiologist.
Knowing this gave me some peace and serenity, despite it not
meaning in any way that the disturbance from these sounds disappeared, and
especially having read that there is no cure for this auditory phenomenon.
The Pitch Changes
After a few more weeks, around 2007, l began to realize also that the pitch of many of the sounds l heard changed constantly, like when one moves from one note to another on a musical instrument. This process, which I began in April of that year, gave me the idea of notating the sounds on a musical staff to see how they behaved and which patterns they followed. Realizing this led me to unravel the musicality in my tinnitus.
What followed was something completely opposite to everything l had imagined some months before. Instead of trying to forget the tinnitus sounds or make them disappear in some way by distraction or taking medication, what l did instead was to focus on the sounds. I began to listen to them at every available moment, to try to capture and notate every tiny detail and any new element that appeared, no matter what time of day, even overnight.
Much of what l heard and wrote down were sounds that
resembled musical phrases. I noticed that even those sounds that were
continuous acquired a musical function.
In the beginning, all the sounds l was notating had a markedly sad or gloomy character. They were quite strange and some were even sinister. But almost at the end of that same month of April something unexpected happened: l woke up one morning hearing a happy tune full of vitality and hope. I felt a great joy and an inexplicable happiness.
My desire to transcribe the tinnitus sounds into musical notation continued with more enthusiasm after this incident. Between April 2007 and May 2008 l completed more than 100 transcriptions. Here you can listen to a sound simulation of one of the early transcriptions. The volume is quite low and listening to it involves no risk for the listener. It is an arpeggiated sound resembling a bell that l heard in n my right ear.
By the end of these transcription exercises, I noticed that
more of my tinnitus sounds were gradually disappearing, and that at the same
time, l was experiencing some relief from the hyperacusis. Currently l am still
making transcriptions, but less frequently than before—only when l notice a
sound or pattern that is different from those heard previously.
Intrinsic to Me
Thanks to my very deliberate approach to the sounds of tinnitus, l came to see them as something personal and an intrinsic part of me. I got so used to the tinnitus that at night I enjoyed listening to it, trying to identify which number of the transcriptions it would be (e.g., Number 12, Number 6, etc.). Every time l heard a new sound l immediately wrote it down. After going to bed at night l frequently began tapping rhythms around the sounds of the tinnitus with my fingers, and sometimes l fell asleep listening to them.
At present, there are times when the tinnitus becomes very intense, usually after an exposure to loud noise, and then some sounds that already disappeared reappear. Most of the time I have to use earplugs to protect my ears, because Lima is a very noisy city.
Here you can listen to another sound simulation of the more complex tinnitus I commonly experienced. It has several melodies playing simultaneously. Most of these melodies are in my right ear—with sounds resembling organ, melodica, and cello. But there is also a constant sound resembling a plane engine during takeoff that is present in both ears, but more intensely and noticeably on my left ear.
Because the tinnitus intensity is most noticeable at night,
I wait until that moment to concentrate on it and try to distinguish any new
sounds. Then l allow myself to flow with it until l either fall asleep or my
attention goes to something else.
Musical Tinnitus
As can be expected, living with this musical tinnitus soon
led me to ask myself several questions. The discovery of the musical elements
in tinnitus soon raised in me a strong desire to know why tinnitus contains
musical features and wonder what their meaning could be.
l began a long process of research through different fields to look for answers and explanations. I felt l would have to look beyond the fields of medicine and music since this kind of tinnitus may involve elements that can be explained from other fields, such as physics, philosophy, and even mysticism.
It took me a long time to reach any clear conclusions, and only by mid-2013 was l able to develop an integrative interpretation of what I experienced with tinnitus.
l started working on a book to capture my experience with tinnitus, to share what l have found as a result of my research into other disciplines. Finally in 2016 I published my book on Amazon. I wrote the book in Spanish, with the title 'El Santo Zumbido (The Holy Hum).'
As is well known, music is both a means to communicate and be transformed. And so, if it is present in tinnitus, then this auditory phenomenon becomes a bearer of those two functions. With this in mind, I no longer feel that l am an unhappy person with limitations due to the presence of tinnitus, but rather l feel fortunate and privileged to be able to access this unique sound experience.
I realize that this idea might be far-fetched, laughable, or even offensive to those who suffer from tinnitus. But while it is my personal interpretation, it is precisely being able to view my tinnitus as a kind of music that has allowed me to habituate to it—my musical tinnitus—and it is also what has encouraged me to share it here in hopes that this approach can be useful to others.
In 2018 I returned to the the Center of Oriental Studies of the Pontificia Universidad Católica del Perú as a professor, teaching a course on the therapeutic use of music in Eastern musical traditions. The same year I also began teaching guitar at the cultural centers of the Municipality of Surco in Lima. Currently I am still working as a professor at the same university.
While I have learned to live with my tinnitus, my hyperacusis is still at the moderate level. I’m not yet able to perform in public with a band again, but I hope I can do so in the near future.
And last month, in October 2022, I earned a master’s degree in musical research from the Universidad Europea de Madrid. My thesis title was 'El Tinnitus Musical Fisiológico (The Physiological Musical Tinnitus).'
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To read the original article, click here.
* This HHF article is shared here with the permission of the HHF editor.
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